Sorry, not sorry for being me...

 

Are we really happy with how our life is right now? Are we really doing what we wanted to do? Are we really satisfied with life and want nothing more from it? If yes, congratulations, you are being yourself. But if no, what is the reason that we are not happy and satisfied with our life? Should we change ourselves? Should we not change? What exactly has to be done? Changing to a better version of ourselves is always a good idea. But is that the only reason we change? No, most of the time we change for others, we change to get accepted, we change to look cool, we change to make others happy. And in the process of making this happen, we lose ourselves and life becomes meaningless. In that way, changing is a toxic thing, isn’t it? So, in order to be happy and feel good about our life, there are places where we shouldn’t change.

We all think, or at least like to think, that we are being ourselves and doing what we really like to do. But is that the truth? Most of the time, we change ourselves to please others or to make others accept us. It could be our parents, siblings, friends, partner, or anyone. Everyone has different expectations on us and when we fail to meet their expectations, we end up disappointing them. Hence to prevent them from getting disappointed we change ourselves to meet their expectations. But what does it do to us, other than leaving us disappointed? How many times have we changed ourselves, or at least portrayed ourselves to be the person that we are not, in front of others to make them accept us? How many times have we hung out with friends even though we didn’t feel like hanging out, because saying no to them will make us look uncool? How many times have we accepted to eat in a fancy restaurant even though we like street food because we don’t want others to judge us or look down at us? How many times have we simply smiled and let someone win the conversation just because we don’t want to be in their bad book? How many times have we decided not to wear the dress we liked, because others will make fun of it? But in the end, what do we get from all these? Are we really happy being like this? Do we love the person we are when we change for others?

We don’t have to change to get accepted, to be loved, to look cool in someone’s eyes. If we like to stay at home and read a book, we should do that, instead of hanging out with friends with no interest. If we prefer to be alone and do things in our own way, we should do that, instead of surrounding ourselves with people and do what they are doing just to look cool. There is nothing wrong with eating street food and wearing our favorite dress. Staying at home and doing nothing is acceptable, being alone and taking care of ourselves is cool when we enjoy doing it.  If we don’t really enjoy what we are doing, then what is the point of doing it in the first place.

Changing ourselves for someone else is not only toxic to us but also toxic to the relationship we share with that person. Just imagine for how long we could act to be the person, which we are not. At some point in life, we get tired of portraying ourselves to be someone else. And at that point, everything seems meaningless and we will hate ourselves. The real goal in life is not to love others, or not to be someone that others love. It is to be the person, that you love. Because at the end of the day, it’s you, only you who is going to be with you till the end of your life. Everyone else vanishes with time. So be the person who makes your soul happy.

One thing even worse than changing for others is, to apologize for who we are. If we don’t like to hang out, that is it, we don’t have to apologize or come up with an excuse like not feeling well or mom doesn’t allow. We don’t have to be sorry for being ourselves. The first step to lead a happy and satisfied life is acceptance and self-love. First, we should accept and love ourselves for who we are. Being the real version of you, even with flaws and imperfections is more beautiful than being an edited version of someone else. Cherish yourself a little more, love yourself a little more. Whatever you do, do it with love and satisfaction. If it makes you happy, it doesn’t matter if others like it or not. It’s okay if people don’t accept you for who you are, it’s okay if others think of you as a boring person, as long as you enjoy being you, nothing else matters.  

Loving yourself makes you to love your life more. And when you start loving your life, life eventually starts loving you back…